We Praise Allah in the best of praise and we ask for salutations for His Noble Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and his Family and Companions (may Allah be pleased with them).
I attended an Islamic lecture a few weeks ago and the topic under discussion was Motherhood. The lecturer who is an Instructor of Sahih Bukhari (may Allah elevate his ranks) explained some of the problems some of his students were expressing in their marital life and mental health.
He explained that sometimes women can experience post-natal depression, and such things shouldn't be left alone and unaddressed. Some new mothers have expressed even wanting to kill their own children as the depression became so severe. One should consult ones doctor immediately. Paying attention to the diet. Mothers do experience hormonal changes and that can make them weep much, make them highly sensitive, very emotional, and sometimes regretful.
The Lecturer advised that husbands and In-Laws should be incredibly supportive to their wives and praise their parental abilities. I think during this time, new mothers feel a dent in their confidence in their mothering abilities. Quite often when people criticise them it feels personal, they take it to heart, they start to doubt in their abilities to raise their children. It's probably the biggest no - no thing you can do. If someone wants to criticise a new mother, why can't they wait till the child has been weaned so that the mother can feel more stability? Plus all that a new baby needs really is food, love and sleep so wisdom should be applied.
In principal, Allah has already written the Lawhe mahfooz, it is Allah who decrees our Parents are going to be. Isn't Allah's Decision the best?
There is one Brother I have heard of who tells his wife "She is the best Mother to her Nest" almost every single day, and shouldn't everyday be a Mothers Day in Islam?
She is the best Mum on the Earth, because she wants to hear that. It is an Islamic thing to encourage one another to good.
Shaytan or Iblees has a goal from many goals. Divorce and family problems is usually at the top of his list. If he can't entice the Mother, he will try to harm the husband to get to his wife. The Husband holds a very special place in the woman's heart, we have learnt this from Hadeeth. Consequently the wife's instabilty will lead to the unhappiness of the household. She is the mother of your child.
Try to avert situations where anger can arise. The biggest remedy to anger is walk out of the room and make wudhu.
During the aftermath of the big fight we realise our elder's emphasis in reciting the Quran frequently in the house, what are we replacing Our Quran's with?
In essence a woman is a human being, due to some of the chemical and hormonal make-up, her emotional thoughts will overwhelm her logical judgement, when this situation arises, one will most likely stabilise her feelings with trust and love...HUG HER.
There is a reason why sometimes books such as RiyadusSaliheen are general in addressing topics, they are applicable in every situation. The chapters of Sincerity, Patience, Praise and Gratitude and such works should frequently be recited in the house for the great benefits they bring; seen and unseen. Also increase the amount of recitation of Quran, it will bring peace to the house and peace to your wife's heart.
Verily in the rememberance of Allah Do hearts Find Content.
The husband with a sense of humour would say " Alhamdulillah my wife is upset at a situation, what a great opportunity for Allah's pleasure!"
Also why be sad when new mothers are depressed, did You praise Allah when she was happy? don't feel sad, the bluest of blues also come with the highest of highs. This depression will be over soon enough. Allah reminds us that After Hardship comes Ease.
So lets lighten up.
A person is put through tests, sometimes to make them better. A Muslim can attain much reward by observing many virtues of the heart and great character, that is what distinguishes them from the Pagans. In many Prophets (Alayhis Salam) and Many Companions (May Allah be pleased with them) are we given great examples. It is easier said than done, it at times takes practice and we are only human, but hopefully tommorow we will be better people than we are today.
Hopefully this supplication will help take away the grief new parents are feeling.
|‘Allaah is Sufficient for me, none has the right to be worshipped except Him, upon Him I rely and He is Lord of the exalted throne.’ (seven times morning and evening)|
Hasbunallahi la Ilaha Illa Allahu Alayhi Tawaqaltu Wa Huwa rabbul Arshil Azheem. (Arabic Transliteration)
Finally there are two great benefits of supporting your nursing wife. Firstly, she is sustaining your child. She takes most of the burden of raising him so that you can focus on other things. Second of all, with deep mood swings comes alot of love and bonding (by the grace of Allah.) She may feel guilty for her moods, and taking you for granted, so be patient with her and look forward for the spoiling that is to come for the next few days.
Life is too short, so cherish eachother and really Islamicly prepare yourself for bad times, they will make you better human beings.
And Allah Knows best.